Bridezilla Attacks?

My wedding day was two months ago. Which means I’ve been a missus for a two whole months. Two. Months. I’m still marveling at how bizarre the whole concept is. Me, married. Am I really old enough for that? 

I think we all have a problem allowing ourselves to feel inept, like we don’t really have what it takes to make our goals happen. Even as much and as long as I’d wanted to get married, I had an extremely difficult time letting go of the fact that I was afraid. Afraid that this particular guy was going to be no different than any other guy I’d known in the past––even though he’d gotten down on one knee and given me a diamond. Afraid that something would happen, and he’d suddenly change his mind. That we’d get to the wedding day, and something would go terribly wrong. That I would simply be unable to be a good wife. I was afraid to allow myself to get too excited because I was afraid that it would mean that I was focusing too heavily on something that was fleeting, temporary. Shallow. I didn’t want to be one of those women who made it ALL about the wedding without giving much thought to the realities that follow the exchange of the vows. I was so worried about that that I failed to recognize the potential for celebration, the whole reason for a wedding. I stole my own joy for almost the entire period between my engagement to the actual day. I failed to allow everyone else their excitement and their joy. In essence, I acted as a lone wolf, reverted to my single ways, and let no one in. I squeezed my eyes shut and was so determined not to be a woman addle-brained with sparkly wedding syndrome that I almost cringed anytime anyone broached the subject. After all, what if I failed? What if I allowed myself to be too happy? Surely then things would fall apart. 

Fear played the bridezilla in my wedding. But no man is an island, as the saying goes; and my attitude effected my family and friends’ ability to share in the event. After all, what were they supposed to do when I was so obviously disallowing myself the excitement normally felt by a bride?

I wish now that I had done things differently. That I had given in earlier and allowed the people in my life to share their pleasure with me. That I would have shared more with them, rather than bottling everything up and being so determined not to fail in one way that I failed in another. I was––despite the fact that I was on the path to eternal partnership––single-minded. A mistake I hope that I hope to avoid going forward. Fortunately, the actual day was wonderful. Fun and uplifting in ways that I hadn’t allowed myself to imagine. Take a lesson: In your relationships, no matter what kind they are, don’t be single-minded. Allow people in to your life. Allow them to share in your joys and your sorrows. Share in theirs. You never know what you might be denying yourself and others. 

Don’t allow fear of failure to be the bridezilla who ruins the main event.