I have to admit, I'm always thrown off by holidays, especially the ones that are "government holidays," but not mandatory holidays. The ones that are my black hole. The ones that are still workdays for me, but many of the people I work with (or try to...) have decided to take off. The days the Inbox feels unloved and neglected, while my Sent pile seems to grow and grow, doing nothing but feeling my feeling of rejection. I know, I know, the therapists are foaming at the mouth to lend their analysis.
I think the reason behind all this is multifaceted, one that sensitive creatives can understand quite easily––as can the self-doubting, self-employed perfectionists. We never feel done, never feel good enough, never feel like we're quite living up to everyone's expectations. But where do we get this idea? And why do we allow it to thrive so much that it strangles and blinds us from our ability to relax and enjoy things the way we should? I hope that's something I can change sooner rather than later. I have so very many things to be grateful for, so many things to cherish and enjoy. Yet I allow myself to give time and space to fear, to let it cloud my vision and stand in the way of...me. The me that I once was, the spontaneous, fun, adventurous me. The me that I want to restore and rediscover. The me that I want others to see.
This is a new year, and––as I have seen so often in the past few years, so many many unexpected things can happen in a year to change your life. There's magic waiting to happen––my wish is that I (and you, dear readers) will be open to seeing it.
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